Seriously, if I ever decide I want more children I will be artificially inseminated by a sperm donor. I am so over this custody / rights bullshit.
I provide and take care of my children. I am there for my children each and every single day. I don't cancel, I don't reschedule. I AM THERE FOR THEM ALWAYS!
This consumes me just about everyday. I need to find some way of dealing with it and putting it out of my head. The stress is wearing on me. My anxiety is through the roof. I'm starting to feel like a crazy lady.
There are so many comments, so many things I wish I could say to him to get off my chest. But it's just in one ear out the other or I'm being deliberately mean and I get a lecture on needing be civil for the kids. A complete waste of time. So why do I continue to waste so much of my time and energy thinking about it? He will NEVER gain custody of the babies. He will NEVER take responsibility for himself, let alone the babies. Most of all, HE WILL NEVER CHANGE! I've known him going on six years now, he is in exactly the same place in life as he was then. I've put the ball in his court when it comes to parenting plan and visitation. It's going on 2 months now that Oliver hasn't gotten to go on an overnight, not because I won't let him. But because his father can't step up and take care of ONE single thing on his own. I guarantee if it ever does get filed, he didn't prepare it or pay for it.
Sunday his sister and him are taking the babies for the day. I told him to start, that I'll pack a bag for Cecelia and he can borrow her carseat. He agrees, then at some point thinks I told him he had to get a carseat before the visit. Texts me today about how he doesn't have the money to buy one and this big sob story just to ask if he can borrow it. DUH! At this point it just irritates the hell out of me. He saw me throughout my entire pregnancy (at least once a month) with her and not ONCE asked if I needed anything for her or offered anything, showed up with a box of diapers. NOTHING! She is now 3 months old and still NOTHING! Yet it's HIS child and he has rights this and rights that. There is a lot more to being a father than sperm. I honestly wonder how much he thinks I spend each month to meet their needs.
I don't say much about Oliver's needs because he does pay child support for him. Granted he went to the court to have his portion lowered and have me pay more each month because he couldn't afford it. (at the time I was 6 months pregnant and busting my ass working as a nursing assistant to provide what I could, like I could afford it) So far that's the ONE and ONLY thing he has followed through with during this whole process.
When it comes to cupcake and child support. He seems to think splitting O's is just fine and plenty enough to help.
frustrating.
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